My favourite is when he plays any player who “only has X minutes in their legs” and then pretends that they’re fit as a result of them appearing. Even though only being fit enough for a limited amount of minutes by definition means that they categorically aren’t fully fit, and any minutes that they do play don’t represent that player at their fullest as a result. You don’t get Marcus Browne if he can only play X minutes, you’re getting a percentage of Marcus Browne.
Then they get injured and he says it’s a freak. Bit like when Wildschut hadn’t even trained once and had been travelling for most of the day 24 hours before he came on at Wimbledon, and then tore his hamstring. Bloody bad luck, that.