At one point, Bolton couldn't beat anyone. Their chef couldn't even beat an egg. They held us to a 0-0 draw.
Bearing that in mind: Southend United 1 Oxford United 3 (Fosu, Taylor Dickie) Att 6009 and 897 Yellows fans.
Gorrin and Dickie will get into a fight at half-time, over who gets to take penalties. Eastwood will sprain his pointing finger, after trying to pick a reluctant bogey. Their main end will be closed down before the match; not for safety reasons, but because it looks crap. A dog will run onto the pitch. The ref will send Dickie off, after he plays 'slap the slaphead' on his bald head. Tiger will have the shock of his life, when he sees a man who looks identical to him, in the club bar, before the match. He won't realise that he's looking at himself in a full length mirror. A massive gust of wind will blow a hot dog stand over. One of the floodlights will sway like crazy in the wind. The scoreboard will malfunction, showing a fly-on-the-wall type documentary of Nigel Farage being secretly taped in the toilet. The plastic Cockey owner of their snack bar will sell jellied eels and pie and mash and it will go down surprisingly well with the Yellows fans. Our lot will be surprised by the Cockney-type grub and start singing Cockney songs, like 'I'm forever blowing bubbles' and 'Doing the Lambeth walk'. Their manager will resign after the match, because he's home-sick. That just about does it for me. COYY
