General Jokes 🃏

I ha d a date with a woman who worked at the stock exchange......I knew things were looking up when she started to plate FTSE with me.
 
Just hired a cleaner from Eastern Europe it took her 15 hours to Hoover through .... apparently she is a Slovak
 
Reluctantly i admit i seem to have gained a bit of weight, and am getting fat!

In my defence, i have had a lot on my plate
 
At the beginning of lockdown, I took out a subscription to "Psychiatrists Weekly".


I have a lot of issues...….
 
Liverpool are under a Covid 19 investigation after yesterday's game, the regulations are you are only allowed to let six in.
 
After hearing Nicola Sturgeon say how crucial it was in combating the spread of Covid19, Donald Trump has announced that he intends to fly to Scotland to see Loch Down for himself......
 
Don’t get me wrong but I worship my girlfriend she is funny, smart good looking and she works for the elite police sniper team.

she text me this morning “ sorry I missed you “

should I be worried
 
It was my divorce hearing yesterday...

I said to the judge ' I just couldn't take it anymore, she was out in the bars every night past 3am'

Judge asked 'What was she doing there?'

I said' Looking for me'
 
mate of mine was disappointed the other day when he lost his job as a mime artist......


must of been something he said
 
The car of the year, as voted for by the readers of 'Woman's Own' magazine is.......


A red one
 
My friend phoned me the other day said he had changed his name to Phil Neal I replied can I call you right back
 
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