General Jokes 🃏

Two little boys were at a wedding when one leaned over to the other and asked, "How many wives can a man have?" His friend answered, "Sixteen... four better, four worse, four richer, and four poorer."
 
It's the wife's birthday and I was thinking of giving her some roses but I'm unsure as to how many ‐ a singleton, two, six, a dozen?


Or should I just give her the whole tin?
 
Just answered the phone and the bloke on the other end sneezed and then hung up.



I'm getting sick to death of these cold calls.....
 
Me and my brother had a happy childhood. I remember a game we played where one of us would climb inside a tyre and the other would roll it down the hill.



They were Goodyears.........
 
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Apparently it's no longer politically-correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority, so:
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Ghurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Dane, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist and an Ethiopian went to a night club.

The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai.
 
Just been into TESCO’s and it was nuts,

yet again they had no toilet paper at all.

Reluctantly i headed to the checkout and ask if they had any more and they said firmly “NO” almost to the point of being rude

Walking back to the toilet with my trousers and pants around my ankles was a walk I never want to have to do again
 
"Go and have a look at the size of the poo I've just done in the bathroom!" I said to the missus

"No thanks," she replied.

"oh go on, just one quick look," I said, "You won't believe it."

She pinched her nose, ran in, looked down the toilet, then ran out and said, "There's nothing down there, you must've flushed it."

I said, "It's on the scales."
 
"Go and have a look at the size of the poo I've just done in the bathroom!" I said to the missus

"No thanks," she replied.

"oh go on, just one quick look," I said, "You won't believe it."

She pinched her nose, ran in, looked down the toilet, then ran out and said, "There's nothing down there, you must've flushed it."

I said, "It's on the scales."
This reminds me of an episode of South Park (really funny!)
 
The self-depreciation society has started a recruitment drive.


I've put myself down......
 
I have an amazing superpower - I can melt ice cubes by staring at them.

It takes me quite a long time though.
 
I've just been told that desperate people who have fallen behind with their store card payments are being coerced into becoming mobile advertising hoardings to pay off the debt.



You could be Next.......
 
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