General Jokes 🃏

[Sarge]

Thought I'd try and be romantic on our wedding anniversary this year so I booked a nice table for two

Complete waste of time, she didn't pot a ball all night

 

[Sarge]

There are two types of people in this world:

1) Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data

 

[Oxymoron]

If there's one place I can't stand it's an ice rink...

 

[Surreal Madrid]

Have I told you about the time I tied my shoelaces with just the power of my mind?

Thought knot.

 

[Surreal Madrid]

Told my wife earlier I'm checking for flights on the internet. She got ridiculously excited and even gave me a hug. Odd. She's never shown an interest in Darts before...

 

[bazzer9461]

Can’t think of any jokes about kitchen appliances, I’m sure my father Kenwood

 

[bazzer9461]

Does a rail worker have to be trained?

 

[bazzer9461]

A quiz question was asked to name a song with either a herb or a spice, I was fuming when
? she’ll be cumin round the mountain when she comes ? didn’t count

 

[Sarge]

the missus walked out and left me the other day, apparently because I'm 'too formal'

So I sent her a letter of complaint

 

[Sarge]

Whatisthislargebuttononthebottomofthekeyboardfor?

 

[bazzer9461]

My wife just bought and iMac, IPad, iPhone and an iPod......what did i get? iPaid.

 

[bazzer9461]

 

[MalaysiaYellow]

My wife just bought and iMac, IPad, iPhone and an iPod......what did i get? iPaid.

Wow, she must be an expert, so you should get her a iRon as well.

 

[IsleofWightYellow]

Whatisthislargebuttononthebottomofthekeyboardfor?

Not sure if this is a joke or just the technophobic musings of Sarge... ??

 

[Sarge]

The missus is going to a fancy dress party tonight as a Rastafarian. She’s asked me to do her hair

I’m dreading it.

 

[Sarge]

the other half asked “Do you think you’ll ever stop talking about football”

I said “that’s my goal “

 

[Sarge]

Got a phone call off 'er indoors while i was in the pub.

She told me she would feed the dinner to the dog if I wasn't back in 15mins.

I went home straight away,

I bloody love that dog

 

[Sarge]

A drummer acqaintance of mine had a bit of an accident earlier

he tripped and fell over his fully assembled drum kit and accompanying congas, and received a nasty bang on his head

he's now suffering with severe percussion

 

[bazzer9461]

Two Parrots sat on a Perch, and one says to the other “ can you smell a fish

 

[bazzer9461]

Can someone from admin tell me why my post was removed?.....My fence has just fallen down!