General Jokes 🃏

Just mentioned to the missus that I’ve always had a bit of a thing for Beyoncé.

“Whatever floats your boat”. She said.

“No” I said,
“that’s buoyancy”.
 
I bought my friend an elephant for his room.
He said "Thanks."
I said "Don't mention it."
 
I just got a job for a company that makes moisturiser.

Took a while, but I applied daily.....
 
My wife should be on the plane about now. She's not going anywhere, just taking half an inch off the kitchen door.
 
Does anyone stop the microwave at 1 second and think they’ve diffused a bomb?
 
Chap down the boozer offered to sell me an invisible bull at a discount.



I didn't buy it - I was worried about hidden charges......
 
With a second lockdown looming, people are starting to pile their shopping trolleys up again, I've just got back from Asda and saw a bloke buying 4 crates of San Miguel, 5 paellas 10 packs of tacos and 3 sombreros.
I thought to myself ... Hispanic buying
 
chatting to a mate the other night, he informed he has developed an addiction for collecting Beatles first issue records

I said 'You need help!'

'no' he replied' I already have that one'
 
Never wear a green T-shirt in Asda....
long story short,
I'm now covering Sandra's shift on Sunday.
 
I've been researching the life of Marcel Marceau and discovered that he spent some time in prison.




He did some unspeakable things.....
 
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