Conversations footballers earning a quarter of a million pounds per year literally never have: Chapter One:
Player: “I’m sorry, kids, but we won’t be moving to Oxfordshire after all. I’ve been on RightMove and I’m afraid that it made for pretty bleak reading. It’s just… too expensive to live in Bicester.”
Kids: “Ohhhhhhhh
”
Wife: “What’s the difference in rent compared to living in (insert random hole north of Coventry)? Like, £500? £700? You’re going to be earning over £20,000 per month!”
Player: “That’s not the point, Carolyn. It’s the
principle. This is exactly the sort of bullshit I really care about and that I base all of my decisions on.
You know that.”
Wife: “But Oxford are offering you £500 a week more than (Random Shithole FC). You’re going to lose more in wages than you save on the cost of the house! This doesn’t even add up!”
Player: “I don’t want to discuss this any further! You know how much money scares me - I’m still reeling over the amount of money that the car dealership charged me for the massage seats!”
Wife: “But surely if worrying about house prices was a deal breaker then Oxford would pay the £100-200 per week needed to make up the difference? This is absolute nonsen-“
Player: “CAROLYN! IT’S TOO BLOODY EXPENSIVE!
WE’RE MOVING TO BELPER!”