General Jokes 🃏

In their latest leaflets, groups opposed to the building of a new stadium near Kidlington for Oxford United have claimed that the proposals would lead to the closure of all local hairdressers, tanning salons & nail bars and that other retailers would no longer be able to sell lipstick, eye shadow & blusher.

When asked for comment, a spokesperson said "Things are going to get really ugly out there".....
 
Went to a bar the other night and ordered a drink and no sooner had the Barman served my drink and took payment a young lady asked if she could join me as I was alone as was she.
She was a stunner everything in the right place
36-26-36 absolute stunner. We stayed in each others company for most of the evening when she announced she was going home but not before inviting me. No hesitation from me. We got to the house and once inside we passionately kissed with our tongues exploring before she stopped and took my hand and led me upstairs to the bedroom. Once inside we passionately kissed again but also removing each others clothes. Once we were naked she opened her bedside cabinet draw and got a condom out and I thought ffs so she passed it me and I unwrapped not it was covered in knobbly bits feathers I said “ what’s all this?” She said “ it gives me extra pleasures “ I thought f**k that and turned it inside out! Why should she have all the pleasure.
 
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bazzer9461 said:
Went to a bar the other night and ordered a drink and no sooner had the Batman served my drink and took payment a young lady asked if she could join me as I was alone as was she.
She was a stunner everything in the right place
36-26-36 absolute stunner. We stayed in each others company for most of the evening when she announced she was going home but not before inviting me. No hesitation from me. We got to the house and once inside we passionately kissed with our tongues exploring before she stopped and took my hand and led me upstairs to the bedroom. Once inside we passionately kissed again but also removing each others clothes. Once we were naked she opened her bedside cabinet draw and got a condom out and I thought ffs so she passed it me and I unwrapped not it was covered in knobbly bits feathers I said “ what’s all this?” She said “ it gives me extra pleasures “ I thought f**k that and turned it inside out! Why should she have all the pleasure.
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Where is this bar? Getting served by Batman, that doesn't happen often...
 
My nephew got some really good grades in his exams.

He has more A's than a Scouser trying to stop a fight.....
 
My dad brought me up to believe that you should never be afraid of anyone or anything and that scares me.......
 
Ewes said:
I rang Exeter City FC to ask what time do they kick off in their next home game. They replied "About every ten minutes".
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I remember Frank Worthington (had that cowboy look) using that one when he was guest speaker at an oufc end of season dinner. In the context of him going up to Stockport (?) at the end of his career and checking with the manager on kick off times!
 
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