General Jokes šŸƒ

According to a recent survey, married couples have sex 25 to 30 times a year.


Looks like Iā€™m in for one hell of a December....
 
Out walking this morning I noticed something sparkling in some brambles which upon closer inspection appears to be a discarded fairy from the top of a Xmas tree. It looks so beautiful that I carefully untangle it from the branches but once the fairy is free, I find out that she is in fact a Fairy Godmother and for saving her she will grant me a wish.

Now having enjoyed the world cup, my thoughts were immediately drawn to the next tournament in North America. Iā€™d love to go to that, but Iā€™m scared of flying and my wife wonā€™t go by boat, so our only hope would be to drive there, so I told the her that I wished for a transatlantic bridge, four lanes in each direction (one reserved especially for me), with luxury hotels-cum- services provided every 100 miles, with the top chefs of the day being in-house on the days that I travelled.

The Fairy Godmother looked very flustered. She said softly ā€œNow because you helped me, I will grant you any wish you ask for but please just think for a moment. The Atlantic is over 3,000 miles across and 20,000 feet deep in places, the supports and the pilings would need more concrete than currently exists on the planet. Then thereā€™s the steel for the cables; every foundry in the world, working 24hours a day, seven days a week couldnā€™t make than much steel in the next four years. On top of that, thereā€™s the tarmac to consider ā€“ and thatā€™s without the millions of bricks for the 600 hotels that you want along the way and the logistics of staffing and supplying them. Although itā€™s an idea that would benefit the whole world, Iā€™m afraid itā€™s completely impractical and I cannot see how I can possibly grant your wish. Maybe thereā€™s something else you want?ā€

I thought for a minute and said ā€œThereā€™s a football forum I use which has an ongoing debate about the abilities of the manager. Nothing wrong with that and I enjoy reading the well thought out and informative posts, but so, so many are just the same thing repeated and regurgitated over and over again. We all know what has happened and have our opinions on what is wrong, whoā€™s to blame and what needs addressing but the never-ending rote calling for the managers dismissal has become mind numbingly tedious, especially when the board of the football club have consistently and publicly given him their support. My wish is for all this to stop unless there is something new to add to the debateā€

The Fairy Godmother thought for a moment and said ā€œHow many lanes did you say you wanted on that bridgeā€...
 
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Amazing that every episode of Peppa Pig ends with them watching Swind*n

All led on their back Laughing
 
Word to the wise.

A hippopotamus can run on land at 20mph and their speed through the water is around 5 mph.

To overcome such a beast, you will need to do really well in the cycling if you are up against one in a triathlon....
 
This train seems very self aware and gutted about where it's headed.
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The Scandinavian alphabet does not contain the letter Z.


How can those people sleep at night ....
 
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