General Tuesdays big announcements

holdsteady said:
What will today bring? ......Liam Kelly signing a three year deal as a mascot?
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I wouldn't advise that. I tried with him on the old Bentley but there are 2 critical problems: first, at speeds above 75 he starts to get very floaty and by 85 he's stuck on the windscreen - we tried to alleviate this by having him wear a pair of Captain Haddock's old sea boots, this was fairly effectively with the floating but scratched the bonnet, second, he squealed like a little girl whenever I approached a roundabout which was simply unacceptable.
 
I have standards, your reverence. Perhaps Karl can convert him into another purely ornamental full-back?
 
I'm hoping they switch it up and start the kit reveal with the keeper's shorts for a laugh.
 
That’s today’s announcement done and dusted then, on to tomorrow.
 
Paul Cannell said:
I wouldn't advise that. I tried with him on the old Bentley but there are 2 critical problems: first, at speeds above 75 he starts to get very floaty and by 85 he's stuck on the windscreen - we tried to alleviate this by having him wear a pair of Captain Haddock's old sea boots, this was fairly effectively with the floating but scratched the bonnet, second, he squealed like a little girl whenever I approached a roundabout which was simply unacceptable.
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Sorry, Mr. Cannell, but I'm having a hard time understanding why you think that it's unacceptable to approach a roundabout. Could you explain your obvious antipathy to roundabouts?
 
Paul Cannell said:
I wouldn't advise that. I tried with him on the old Bentley but there are 2 critical problems: first, at speeds above 75 he starts to get very floaty and by 85 he's stuck on the windscreen - we tried to alleviate this by having him wear a pair of Captain Haddock's old sea boots, this was fairly effectively with the floating but scratched the bonnet, second, he squealed like a little girl whenever I approached a roundabout which was simply unacceptable.
Click to expand...
You’re missing the point. It’s the things he doesn’t scream about that make him so effective.
 
Pete Burrett said:
Why concentrate on the negatives Mr C? Presumably at speeds of under 75 mph Liam performs perfectly adequately, apart from the roundabout squealing, obviously.

Anyway, the REAL big news will be hot water in selected basins in selected toilet blocks at half time.
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But there will be 1 basin in 1 toilet block. The secret location will be only given to those who are A) in the know
B) firm believer in we are going to have a new stadium which will be full every home game irrespective of what the standard of football is like
C) entitled to any form of snack item
Everyone one else will be able to have the bracing cold water deluge followed by the hand dryer which is incapable of producing any form of warmth
 
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