General Tuesdays big announcements

What will today bring? ......Liam Kelly signing a three year deal as a mascot?

I wouldn't advise that. I tried with him on the old Bentley but there are 2 critical problems: first, at speeds above 75 he starts to get very floaty and by 85 he's stuck on the windscreen - we tried to alleviate this by having him wear a pair of Captain Haddock's old sea boots, this was fairly effectively with the floating but scratched the bonnet, second, he squealed like a little girl whenever I approached a roundabout which was simply unacceptable.
 
U's play Peterboro' twice the same day in a behind closed doors double friendly ....

https://www.Oxfordm**l.co.uk/sport/...lEBRk4U-iAF07J6sM46RnDi-eR6viLS2C6QrMqFW14rR8
 
That’s today’s announcement done and dusted then, on to tomorrow.
 
U's play Peterboro' twice the same day in a behind closed doors double friendly ....

https://www.Oxfordm**l.co.uk/sport/...lEBRk4U-iAF07J6sM46RnDi-eR6viLS2C6QrMqFW14rR8
Dat sounds mad. At least it implies we will have 22 players and more than one full back, though.
 
I wouldn't advise that. I tried with him on the old Bentley but there are 2 critical problems: first, at speeds above 75 he starts to get very floaty and by 85 he's stuck on the windscreen - we tried to alleviate this by having him wear a pair of Captain Haddock's old sea boots, this was fairly effectively with the floating but scratched the bonnet, second, he squealed like a little girl whenever I approached a roundabout which was simply unacceptable.
Sorry, Mr. Cannell, but I'm having a hard time understanding why you think that it's unacceptable to approach a roundabout. Could you explain your obvious antipathy to roundabouts?
 
I wouldn't advise that. I tried with him on the old Bentley but there are 2 critical problems: first, at speeds above 75 he starts to get very floaty and by 85 he's stuck on the windscreen - we tried to alleviate this by having him wear a pair of Captain Haddock's old sea boots, this was fairly effectively with the floating but scratched the bonnet, second, he squealed like a little girl whenever I approached a roundabout which was simply unacceptable.
You’re missing the point. It’s the things he doesn’t scream about that make him so effective.
 
Why concentrate on the negatives Mr C? Presumably at speeds of under 75 mph Liam performs perfectly adequately, apart from the roundabout squealing, obviously.

Anyway, the REAL big news will be hot water in selected basins in selected toilet blocks at half time.
But there will be 1 basin in 1 toilet block. The secret location will be only given to those who are A) in the know
B) firm believer in we are going to have a new stadium which will be full every home game irrespective of what the standard of football is like
C) entitled to any form of snack item
Everyone one else will be able to have the bracing cold water deluge followed by the hand dryer which is incapable of producing any form of warmth
 
2 friendlies with Posh on the SAME day July 27th 5:45 and 8pm Kick Offs
 
You’re missing the point. It’s the things he doesn’t scream about that make him so effective.
Surely, as your Bentley is undoubtedly a vintage model and it won't have a parking sensor at the back, a better use would be to tie him to the back bumper and use his high pitched shrieks of terror as the wall approaches as a fine and effective substitute. That out-of-the-box, blue-skies thinking shows why I am a great loss to the world of management consultancy - I have turned someone's weakness into a positive asset.

Now, where has that application form for the Fan's Council got to? ...
 
Surely, as your Bentley is undoubtedly a vintage model and it won't have a parking sensor at the back, a better use would be to tie him to the back bumper and use his high pitched shrieks of terror as the wall approaches as a fine and effective substitute. That out-of-the-box, blue-skies thinking shows why I am a great loss to the world of management consultancy - I have turned someone's weakness into a positive asset.

Now, where has that application form for the Fan's Council got to? ...
Oh don't worry, we've got your number! You'll be co-opted before you can say what about the toilets?
 
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