The Terrrrific Independence Tiger Stadium will be built to celebrate the return of sovereignty to these shores by a small man who's bought the myth. Designed by Dame Judi Dench of Kassam Correspondence College, the "Terrrrific Independence Tiger Stadium" or TITS as it will be known is the first sports stadium to be designed specifically to facilitate safe standing on 1 sides and unsafe seating on the other 3.
In keeping with ancient British building techniques the 3-storey seating levels are constructed in the form of three interlinked conches or burrows from elm poles lashed together with hide straps and innovatively uses a matrix of water vole skins lashed to willow poles to provide seating that flexes in the wind, any wind. The concourses will contain, as well as statues and dioramas from Oxford's history (such as Pum's ejection from Debenhams, Jack Midson drives the Romans into the sea, Billy Turley's performance as Mimi in Darren Patterson's xmas production of La Boheme), fashionable food (dormice from Dorset), drink (mead from Maidstone) and cosmetics (woad from Westminster) outlets that will cater to the many diverse tastes in the cosmopolitan audience drawn from all 4 corners of Oxfordshire on specially-built "Charlie Charabancs".
The 4th stand will be sponsored by the leading cosmetics outlet and called the "London Woad End". Build entirely of turf, the London Woad end is designed to provide a safe area for existing supporters, safely away from the new supporters in their barbours and red or mustard trousers. It provides ample windows for licking as well as a pre-dilapidated toilet area modelled on the Barrow away end not to mention food outlets serving things you would not quite believe.
Come on Dame Judi, get your TITS out for the lads!