• ****Join the YF Fantasy EFL League: HERE. ****

Should the stars align and we find ourselves able to get a new home...

Itsthehopethatkillsyou

Itsthehopethatkillsyou

Active member
Joined
23 Dec 2017
Messages
403
My dream: (Should we ever depart the Kassam stadium, an unlikely scenario but who knows what might happen in the near or distant future)
Stadiums tend to look fairly identikit - the Kas stad being a classic example of breeze block rectangular stands devoid of any character and imagination - the rule (by my reckoning) being unless a stadium is going to be a megastructure there will always be restrictions on what a budget will offer (that said I think the Emirates is a dull design). But would it have to be the case with Oxford? Would it be in the best interests of a city known for its dreaming spires to have a new landmark with architectural merit?, for a world renowned university's architecture students to have a hand in its design (for the fee of waiving the blueprint/consultancy costs) to further it's reputation with a multi million pound project with their name forever associated (pressure not to make it an eyesore).
It's all a dream but I'm surprised there has not been more done with stadium design (many, Inc me, were 'oooh' when Huddersfield built their stad....it's not even that impressive - it was just different).
Probably won't happen - and the university probably wouldn't be interested - so let's get designing! Break out the crayola crayons! ?
 
Requirements for a new stadium:

- Yellow and blue seats
- Yellow and blue nets (box style)
- Yellow and blue pitch
- Go faster stripes on the stands
- Under pitch heating and flooding options for when we're 3-0 down and can call upon it for a postponement
- Teleporters to get to the ground quickly
- Uncle Firoz in some stocks outside the main gate
- Statues of the greats around the concourses - John Aldridge, Ray Houghton, Bobby MacDonald, Jack Midson
- A halftime 'Hunger Games' where two fans fight to the death
 
jal said:
OxBible vs the guy on Facebook calling for fans to start a new club?

Or, we could have Tiger's Tiger vs a Fan gladiatorial style.
Click to expand...

You could have plenty - Michael Appleton v Lawrence Vigouroux (we'd pad the introductions out a bit to fill time. the fight wouldn't last long), a veterans fight of Baldy v Moobs, Dave T vs Charlie M, GreatUncleKip vs everyone, Dave Rush in a winner stays on battle royale.

The list is endless.
 
unification said:
Requirements for a new stadium:

- Yellow and blue seats
- Yellow and blue nets (box style)
- Yellow and blue pitch
- Go faster stripes on the stands
- Under pitch heating and flooding options for when we're 3-0 down and can call upon it for a postponement
- Teleporters to get to the ground quickly
- Uncle Firoz in some stocks outside the main gate
- Statues of the greats around the concourses - John Aldridge, Ray Houghton, Bobby MacDonald, Jack Midson
- A halftime 'Hunger Games' where two fans fight to the death
Click to expand...

Can we have a big yellow and blue slope for the pitch please to remind us of old times.

Think the Manor’s drop to the London Road was something like nine feet. We can do better than that though - a 40 to 50ft slope should be more than doable.

Also: oxygen masks for the full-backs - particularly for the first half when kicking up the slope.
 
The Terrrrific Independence Tiger Stadium will be built to celebrate the return of sovereignty to these shores by a small man who's bought the myth. Designed by Dame Judi Dench of Kassam Correspondence College, the "Terrrrific Independence Tiger Stadium" or TITS as it will be known is the first sports stadium to be designed specifically to facilitate safe standing on 1 sides and unsafe seating on the other 3.

In keeping with ancient British building techniques the 3-storey seating levels are constructed in the form of three interlinked conches or burrows from elm poles lashed together with hide straps and innovatively uses a matrix of water vole skins lashed to willow poles to provide seating that flexes in the wind, any wind. The concourses will contain, as well as statues and dioramas from Oxford's history (such as Pum's ejection from Debenhams, Jack Midson drives the Romans into the sea, Billy Turley's performance as Mimi in Darren Patterson's xmas production of La Boheme), fashionable food (dormice from Dorset), drink (mead from Maidstone) and cosmetics (woad from Westminster) outlets that will cater to the many diverse tastes in the cosmopolitan audience drawn from all 4 corners of Oxfordshire on specially-built "Charlie Charabancs".

The 4th stand will be sponsored by the leading cosmetics outlet and called the "London Woad End". Build entirely of turf, the London Woad end is designed to provide a safe area for existing supporters, safely away from the new supporters in their barbours and red or mustard trousers. It provides ample windows for licking as well as a pre-dilapidated toilet area modelled on the Barrow away end not to mention food outlets serving things you would not quite believe.

Come on Dame Judi, get your TITS out for the lads!
 
Last edited:
PC said:
The Terrrrific Independence Tiger Stadium will be built to celebrate the return of sovereignty to these shores by a small man who's bought the myth. Designed by Dame Judi Dench of Kassam Correspondence College, the "Terrrrific Independence Tiger Stadium" or TITS as it will be known is the first sports stadium to be designed specifically to facilitate safe standing on 1 sides and unsafe seating on the other 3.

In keeping with ancient British building techniques the 3-storey seating levels are constructed in the form of three interlinked conches or burrows from elm poles lashed together with hide straps and innovatively uses a matrix of water vole skins lashed to willow poles to provide seating that flexes in the wind, any wind. The concourses will contain, as well as statues and dioramas from Oxford's history (such as Pum's ejection from Debenhams, Jack Midson drives the Romans into the sea, Billy Turley's performance as Mimi in Darren Patterson's xmas production of La Boheme), fashionable food (dormice from Dorset), drink (mead from Maidstone) and cosmetics (woad from Westminster) outlets that will cater to the many diverse tastes in the cosmopolitan audience drawn from all 4 corners of Oxfordshire on specially-built "Charlie Charabancs".

The 4th stand will be sponsored by the leading cosmetics outlet and called the "London Woad End". Build entirely of turf, the London Woad end is designed to provide a safe area for existing supporters, safely away from the new supporters in their barbours and red or mustard trousers. It provides ample windows for licking as well as a pre-dilapidated toilet area modelled on the Barrow away end not to mention food outlets serving things you would not quite believe.

Come on Dame Judi, get your TITS out for the lads!
Click to expand...
Hear, hear!
 
PC said:
The Terrrrific Independence Tiger Stadium will be built to celebrate the return of sovereignty to these shores by a small man who's bought the myth. Designed by Dame Judi Dench of Kassam Correspondence College, the "Terrrrific Independence Tiger Stadium" or TITS as it will be known is the first sports stadium to be designed specifically to facilitate safe standing on 1 sides and unsafe seating on the other 3.

In keeping with ancient British building techniques the 3-storey seating levels are constructed in the form of three interlinked conches or burrows from elm poles lashed together with hide straps and innovatively uses a matrix of water vole skins lashed to willow poles to provide seating that flexes in the wind, any wind. The concourses will contain, as well as statues and dioramas from Oxford's history (such as Pum's ejection from Debenhams, Jack Midson drives the Romans into the sea, Billy Turley's performance as Mimi in Darren Patterson's xmas production of La Boheme), fashionable food (dormice from Dorset), drink (mead from Maidstone) and cosmetics (woad from Westminster) outlets that will cater to the many diverse tastes in the cosmopolitan audience drawn from all 4 corners of Oxfordshire on specially-built "Charlie Charabancs".

The 4th stand will be sponsored by the leading cosmetics outlet and called the "London Woad End". Build entirely of turf, the London Woad end is designed to provide a safe area for existing supporters, safely away from the new supporters in their barbours and red or mustard trousers. It provides ample windows for licking as well as a pre-dilapidated toilet area modelled on the Barrow away end not to mention food outlets serving things you would not quite believe.

Come on Dame Judi, get your TITS out for the lads!
Click to expand...
Starting to warm to it already ?
 
Oldham said:
You forgot the kennel for Amersham Dave’s dog!
Click to expand...

Yes. Design in haste, repent at leisure. Unless you're Stella McCartney in which case you can get an intern to fix it. My intern spotted:

Gilded kennels will be provided for the hounds of the tribal chiefs behind the Thai restaurant kitchen, retrieval of pets post-match will be on a 'first-come-first-served basis.

A manor will be constructed from silver birch and equipped with loungers, it will be available for those with deep pockets (no Tiggers, then) - special transport will be provided in a special fleet of 'Champagne Charlie Charabancs'............

Cont. P94
 
PC said:
Yes. Design in haste, repent at leisure. Unless you're Stella McCartney in which case you can get an intern to fix it. My intern spotted:

Gilded kennels will be provided for the hounds of the tribal chiefs behind the Thai restaurant kitchen, retrieval of pets post-match will be on a 'first-come-first-served basis.

A manor will be constructed from silver birch and equipped with loungers, it will be available for those with deep pockets (no Tiggers, then) - special transport will be provided in a special fleet of 'Champagne Charlie Charabancs'............

Cont. P94
Click to expand...

This just gets better by the minute!
 
Stands with pitched roofs into which the executive boxed will be built and feature dormer windows for viewing. Window boxes cost extra.

Juliette balconies for the press and police gantries.

The four corners will be in the form of turrets. I was going to suggest archer slits and boiling oils vats over the away section but figure no one would then take my earlier suggestions seriously.
 
A number of bars serving a variety of beers and wines at club house prices. A section which spécialisé in real ales and ciders for over 18s only. A supporters club open 7 days a week with entertainment at weekends and open mic on Thursdays. Basically what we had at the manor but modern and bigger with facilities for children.
 
Loving these posts, the turrets, Slope and go faster stripes sound like a grand idea. How about a legends face illustrated in the seats (is it Preston who did that?), imagine away players emerging from the tunnel to warm up and seeing Gary Brigg's face glowering down at them - scare the bejeezus out of them so it would! I also suggest the posh leather covered seats (for the prawn cocktail crisps brigade) be used to depict Nicky Banger #permatan
 
  • React
Reactions: MJB
A whingers zone, where all the miserable wankers can all go and moan until their bitter hearts are content. There can be the "don't celebrate because I hate "insert players name" row", "stock phrase row", "the sunday league manager row" and the "I go to every game god complex but have no idea about football even though I've been going for 20 plus years" row. The zone will be sealed with a vacuum so no noise gets out.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom