Oxford Mail articles to fill the transfer void

[The Deadman]

Dwight Tiendalli's Tips on How To Be A Professional Footballer. A must-read for any budding 32 year old "footballer".

 

[West Oxon U’s]

Best thread of the closed season so far!

Tomorrow’s story will be an interview with Sam Stockley’s agent of how he really convinced OUFC to pay a 5 figure fee for Sam.

If only it was five figures - Stockley cost us £150,000 !

 

[m]

If only it was five figures - Stockley cost us £150,000 !

Brutal. Absolutely brutal.

 

[mooro]

Eire on a shoestring - tips on a low-budget pre-season tour
Eire in a G-string - OUFC WAGS tour diary

 

[Christchurch Yellows]

Robinson; some of my players know how brutal the new fitness coach will be... oh wait, that headlines been spun for the last 3 days! ...If only we had anything near a first team!

 

[PottersRightBoot]

‘ I Saved The Club.’ Inside story of one man’s brave crusade to keep OUFC going with his bare hands.

By newly ennobled. (in his own mind) Baron Methven of Roker.

 

[Itsthehopethatkillsyou]

Loving these headlines fellas! ? - I'm expecting some of you to be head hunted by newscorp any time now ?

 

[Shaun Rice]

Frustrated as we are with the slow process of KR's recruitment drive, spare a thought for the Oxford Mail journalists needing to fill column inches (teehee) during this time; having conduct a dull telephone interview with a former player to get their opinion on how well they think a former teammate/coach/manager etc will do at Oxford ("he will work them hard"/"he's a great professional"/"he is a real practical joker" etc) - followed by the obligatory "I really enjoyed my time at Oxford" / "I still look out for their results" etc to wrap up the article. All this effort just to have something on put in the back pages and online (phew!).

So...(yes there is a point...sort of...to this)
Let's all help the poor journos and give them some article headlines to scrabble a story from - I'll get the ball rolling:

'Former Oxford haro David Rush tips Oxford Utd stars to come out tops in the event of pint and fisticuffs'

'Niall McWilliams tips Manny Agboola to push Simon Eastwood close in battle of the Vowels'

'NHS report links George Baldock's OUFC spell with record spike in estrogen levels throughout Oxfordshire'

Amazing we top the league (almost) in so many ways like:
Most terrible manager ever appointed Pep, longest manager appointment - KR,
best performing manager forced out of aclub -
Mapp.
Most we expect to make a signing ‘date, time’ announcements - Mapp.
And now we’re have the most back room appointments to players signed award too.

I mean how many more back room staff appointments can we make.

 

[Gary Baldi]

Oxford fans: Why 442 is the only formation in football
Dave Kitson: the footballing secrets behind his stay at Oxford United
East Stand toilets and the reason why smokers find staring at male todgers so comforting.

 

[Marked Ox]

A review of the thorough and comprehensive maintenance programme at the Kassam Stadium

Blinded at the Kassam: Oxford United told to reduce the number of Floodlight bulbs

 

[Notaswindonfan]

Brexit, the implications for oufc.

 

[m]

'Should we have let Jack Midson go?'

A serialisation reviewing the latest evidence regarding the perennial question. New evidence, new witnesses, new conclusions. Only in the Mail. (Also featuring Andy Burgess on page 3)

 

[stokeu]

"Atmosphere at Kassam Stadium ranked #1 in the World"

"United turn down approach from Mbappe agent"

"World cup winner Jack Midson set for dream return"

"Free jaffa cake for every fan attending the Accrington Stanley match"

"Firoz Kassam voted most popular man in Britain"

"OUFC selected to trial 20% bigger goal posts"

" Man buns banned at OUFC"

 

[Gary Baldi]

The best life hacks to remove pigeon poop from your seat at the Kassam
Ian Atkins: misunderstood genius or negative doom monger?
John Murray - why I stand by my 6 out of 10 player ratings
Nick Harris' off season elocution lessons to say Karl Robinson's name correctly
How Dean Morgan turned his life around after loan spell at Oxford

 

[Gary Baldi]

Callum O'Dowda EXCLUSIVE. I was at deaths door before signing for Bristol City.

 

[Marked Ox]

The best life hacks to remove pigeon poop from your seat at the Kassam
Ian Atkins: misunderstood genius or negative doom monger?
John Murray - why I stand by my 6 out of 10 player ratings
Nick Harris' off season elocution lessons to say Karl Robinson's name correctly
How Dean Morgan turned his life around after loan spell at Oxford

The top one requires a flamethrower or sandblaster as it becomes fossilised.

 

[Gary Baldi]

The top one requires a flamethrower or sandblaster as it becomes fossilised.

Firoka: Fans should be grateful for witnessing of fossilisation of pigeon poop.

 

[Notaswindonfan]

VAR to be trialed at the Kassam....but refuses to run.

 

[FalmouthOx]

"Support a Tiger" crowdfunding site criticised for channelling funds to league 1 club

 

[FalmouthOx]

More finger pointing at Ex U's chairman Eales as Pies officially overtake Hotdogs as preferred pre-match snack for travelling L1 supporters

 

[FalmouthOx]

Madman learned basic Spanish and masqueraded as Pep Clotet to secure first managerial job at Oxford

 

[m]

Ryan Burge: Even I don't remember who I am.

 

[Gary Baldi]

Rob Duffy: Why penalties count

 

[m]

Sorry, no OUFC feature today!

To reward loyal readers the first 20 callers will receive a £15 voucher to be redeemed at peterchristian.co.uk*

*only valid when purchasing mustard cords

 

[m]

*Reminder* Last 2 places available at the 'STEVE ANTHROBUS* SCHOOL OF FINISHING' !

*Book now to avoid disappointment!*

(Please bring your own football and an already accomplished finishing technique)

*actual Steve Anthrobus may not be present

 

[Marked Ox]

Emiliano Diaz, the little maestro: the Oxford years

 

[Shaun Rice]

Has to be something about a Traveller curse on Oxford Utd as every other article seems to be about Travellers at present.

Don’t start having a go at the traveler community! They are totally nice people just trying to live life how they want to live it. I’m amazed at how warped and twisted the recent OM reports have been. I can’t understand why they get such a bad reputation? I mean it’s not like they’re hurting anyone. They’re not breaking any laws!
Is it breaking the law to just dump a load of s**t in a park, street or wherever?
Is it breaking the law to drive without MOT, tax and insurance?
Nothing wrong with just wandering into local shops and blatantly taking what you want.
Tax evasion, violence, burning s**t, it’s all good.
Next you’ll be telling me modern slavery is illegal!!!
Yes the council pays millions to move them on from the same places and to clear up after them. But it’s they’re right to live how they want!

I know this is a Football forum but as I’m a gippo it’s my right to violate it.

 

[Witneyoldfella]

Superb irony......

 

[Shaun Rice]

OMG now they’ve got ex player Jamie Brooks to box someone’s head in just because we can’t sign anyone!

 

[Witneyoldfella]

He was good in the box I seem to remember......