Oxford Mail articles to fill the transfer void

[Itsthehopethatkillsyou]

Frustrated as we are with the slow process of KR's recruitment drive, spare a thought for the Oxford Mail journalists needing to fill column inches (teehee) during this time; having conduct a dull telephone interview with a former player to get their opinion on how well they think a former teammate/coach/manager etc will do at Oxford ("he will work them hard"/"he's a great professional"/"he is a real practical joker" etc) - followed by the obligatory "I really enjoyed my time at Oxford" / "I still look out for their results" etc to wrap up the article. All this effort just to have something on put in the back pages and online (phew!).

So...(yes there is a point...sort of...to this)
Let's all help the poor journos and give them some article headlines to scrabble a story from - I'll get the ball rolling:

'Former Oxford haro David Rush tips Oxford Utd stars to come out tops in the event of pint and fisticuffs'

'Niall McWilliams tips Manny Agboola to push Simon Eastwood close in battle of the Vowels'

'NHS report links George Baldock's OUFC spell with record spike in estrogen levels throughout Oxfordshire'

 

[m]

'Julian Alsop: "I don't even like bananas!" '

 

[Didcotox]

Les Ferdinand - I’m scared of heights!

 

[Oldman159]

"Stunning new partnership between Firo*a, Oxfordshire councils (various), the Yellows fans, and Oxvox matks the start of a 'fantastic journey' for the newly named Beemer Community Stadium"

Sorry, just the (Sigha) beer talking...

 

[JuanPabloRaponi]

Jefferson Louis signs for his 42nd club, oh, hang on, that's actually happened

 

[mooro]

"Crocked star likely to miss start of new season" - Phil Gilchrist still not recovered from injury in robbo testimonial
"Elias has screwed us over again - L:es Taylor" - years after trying to convince the club that left-midfielder Matt Taylor was a goalkeeper, it appears that Malcolm Elias has done it again, as Taylor reveals that Jack Stevens is actually a centre-half and Manny Agboola is a striker.
"Father & son expected to double up for U's in coming season" - club announces signing of striker Gifton Noel Williams
"Faz reveals he was in charge of U23 side last season" - but thought they were all sh#t so refused to play any games
"IS Dave Kitson the Secret Agent" - an in depth analysis of the twitter feed of Pep Clotet's agent shows great similarities with background of the former U's striker...

 

[mooro]

"Allen key to putting together U23s framework"

 

[Northstandboy]

Mike Reed: I got it wrong

 

[Gary Baldi]

Impatient fans overreact to a league wide lack of transfer activity by cutting up season ticket cards they don't have.

 

[mooro]

"I used to smuggle diamonds in my artificial leg" - 'that's why I never needed socks' admits former chief

 

[Gary Baldi]

Chris Wilder: My tufty years

 

[mooro]

"TCham N'Toya return to Oxford" - Paul Weller and Punk Queen to hold concert at the Kassam

 

[greatunclekip]

"Club angry with BT after calls to transfer targets agents not being returned. Fault with line suspected"

 

[headingtonoldboy]

United's fax machine broken

 

[carefreeoufc]

Jack Midson, the man, the legend.

“12 page special including previously never seen before photographs and an interview with Jacks Dad on life after Oxford”.

 

[m]

VAR - expensive bucket of w**k?

 

[Discoland]

"Pep Clotet: How to lose 7-0 and alienate an entire fanbase"

 

[m]

"Pep Clotet: How to lose 7-0 and alienate an entire fanbase"

<Cough>

Not ideal.

 

[carefreeoufc]

"Pep Clotet: How to lose 7-0 and alienate an entire fanbase"

Foreword by Chris Wilder.

 

[m]

Foreword by Chris Wilder.

I'll bet Joe Kinnear was pissed off missing that gig.