Shocking news
ive just got this foi
Subject: A Very Confidential Invitation – The Enemy of Football Fans
Dear Ian,
I trust this email finds you well, and blissfully free from the chaos of football fandom.
I’ve been thinking — we need someone with your expertise (and your impeccable ability to keep a low profile) to join the Friends of Stratfield Brake. We’ve got a real opportunity here to stop those horrible football fans from turning Kidlington into their personal stomping ground. And you, my friend, are just the kind of person we need.
However, there’s one small request: your membership must be entirely secret. We cannot afford for anyone to know you’re involved. If the football fans catch wind of this, they’ll be coming for us with their chants, noise, and “enthusiastic support” for the stadium. The last thing we need is for them to identify you as an ally — we’ll be marked, and it will get ugly.
Also, just to be clear, we don’t know each other. This is strictly a professional arrangement. If anyone asks, we’re simply two caring citizens who happen to be on the same side — nothing more, nothing less. Keep it casual, if you know what I mean.
If you join us, think of it like behind-the-scenes action: you’re part of a covert operation to protect Kidlington from being overrun by the endless hordes of football fans. We must keep the appearances of neutrality to avoid getting dragged into their endless arguments about stadium lights and parking issues.
Let me know if you’re up for this highly classified mission. We need people like you who are both strategic and invisible to stop those football fans from taking over. You can think of it as saving Kidlington — but in stealth mode.
Best regards,
Suzanne McIvor
Mastermind of Stealthy Football Fan Prevention
Saving Kidlington, one secretive move at a time.
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Subject: Re: A Very Confidential Invitation – The Enemy of Football Fans
Dear Suzanne,
Thank you for your intriguing invitation. I must admit, the prospect of fighting back against football fans with their chants, rallies, and their excessive love for overpriced pies does pique my interest.
As much as I prefer to stay out of the spotlight, the idea of secretly working to stop the relentless tidal wave of football fanatics does have a certain appeal. The cloak-and-dagger element, combined with our shared hatred of stadium expansion, is enough to get anyone on board.
That said, I must carefully consider the ramifications of joining this group. My neutrality has been the foundation of my work for years. If I join your anti-football fan crusade, my cautious approach to everything could be compromised. We simply cannot afford to have those fans find out I’ve aligned with the cause. You know how they can get: loud, rowdy, and insufferable — and that’s just at half-time. If they get wind of my involvement, they’ll be after me like I’m some kind of enemy target.
Also, just to make sure we’re on the same page — we don’t know each other, Suzanne. This is purely a professional arrangement. If anyone asks, we’re just two concerned individuals who happen to be concerned about the same thing. No connections, no funny business.
But I’ll admit, the chance to quietly undermine their plans from the inside is tempting. Perhaps we could continue our discussion in the most secretive manner possible. Maybe over coffee at a place that’s not even on the map? I’m certainly intrigued, but let’s make sure it’s under complete cover, with absolutely no traces for those fans to follow.
Looking forward to hearing from you, Suzanne. And remember, we can’t let them find out. They’d tear us apart.
Best regards,
Ian Middleton
Neutral Observer, Professional Conspirator
Still cautiously considering the football fan threat.
