JOKES

makv

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7 Dec 2017
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1,905
At this reflective time of year, several matters come to mind, amongst them, man's inhumanity to man.
As opined the poet John Donne: “Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and
therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.”
The penultimate phrase was purloined by Hemingway as title for his 1940 novel of the Spanish Civil War.
It suddenly brought to mind something which has worried me for years. In 14th century Switzerland, William
Tell (he of the arrow through the apple fame) and his family were keen bowlers, but there is no record of
which team they were on.
A terrible fire razed the village archive to the ground and all records were lost.
Seems even now we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled. :giggle::giggle:
No idea. But I suspect right-arm over.
 
Joined
7 Dec 2017
Messages
37
I finally have a few days off and it’s been brilliant to reconnect with the family. We had a lovely time this morning, flying our drone in a field somewhere near Crawley in Sussex. I never realised how quiet it was down there...
 

Oxymoron

Junior Member
Joined
7 Dec 2017
Messages
108
Just met Arnold Schwarzenegger, but I was very disappointed that Xmas isn't his favourite time of year.

"Happy Christmas Arnie" was my cheerful greeting and do you know what he replied

"Have to love Easter, baby......."
 

Oldham

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Joined
6 Dec 2017
Messages
4,086
I saw a poster outside the local cross dresser club yesterday advertising their Christmas Party. It read “Come and join us, eat drink and be Mary”
 

Maurice Earp

Active member
Joined
6 Dec 2017
Messages
684
A woman gets on a bus and finds herself sitting opposite an incredibly attractive man.

She tries to flirt with him, but he doesn’t seem interested.

She pouts at him, but gets no response, so she unbuttons her blouse to reveal some cleavage.

She still can’t get a reaction.

Finally she pulls out all of the stops, she pulls up her skirt and opens her legs to reveal she’s not wearing any underwear.

The man sniffs the ait, then stands up and pulls out his collapsible white stick.

“That was quick”, he says. “Its’s usually half an hour to the fish market”.
 

Sarge

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2018-19 shirt sponsor for Jamie Hanson
Joined
6 Dec 2017
Messages
8,543
My ex said if I continue being so pedantic I'll have less and less friends, I said no I'll have fewer and fewer friends.
 

mooro

Active member
Joined
13 Dec 2017
Messages
640
Some people just take things that little bit too far.....
....363 days til Christmas and my neighbour already has his decorations up!!!
 
Joined
7 Dec 2017
Messages
37
Apparently it’s impossible to eat 4 dry crackers in one minute. Always up for the challenge I gave it a go. I managed three and then choked on a plastic moustache and a paper hat.
 

Oxymoron

Junior Member
Joined
7 Dec 2017
Messages
108
Police stopped a car being driven through Swindon town centre yesterday.

A person check on the occupants found no outstanding warrants and no-one was wanted in connection with any other investigations.

The vehicle was found to be taxed and MOT’d and a valid insurance policy was in place.

A search of the car found no stolen property, weapons or drugs.



The driver has been charged with wasting police time.
 
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Sarge

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2018-19 shirt sponsor for Jamie Hanson
Joined
6 Dec 2017
Messages
8,543
rage on line or even raging bull 'zine may have something to say about this.... 49472297_272625866741909_6207908792919654400_n.jpg
 
Joined
7 Dec 2017
Messages
37
I love running my fingers through my girlfriends hair when we're relaxing after a nice meal at home. Not so much because I love her but because it reminds her we've ran out of napkins.
 
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