General Jokes šŸƒ

Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger
were discussing who they were going to play in the new Hollywood Blockbuster: The Great Composers!
Stallone says, ā€œI wanna be Beethovenā€.
Willis retorts, ā€œI gotta be Mozartā€.
Arnie has a think for a minute and then says....
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...ā€Iā€™ll be Bach!ā€
Thatā€™s so Baaad 1612785863645.png
 
Walking to work this morning, one of the council's salting trucks sped past me - I was covered with rocksalt from head to toe.

"Slow down you stupid bastard" I yelled through gritted teeth.......
 
Very topical
 

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I've been admitted to hospital after accidentally eating a daffodil bulb thinking it was an onion.


Doctors think I should be out around Easter.....
 
I was arguing with the Mrs in the Indian restaurant the other day, when the waiter came over and took the Popadoms and the Onion Bhajis........... I wish he wouldnā€™t take sides
 
I was on my lunch break and decided to go to the park. There was two rather nice young ladies so thought would sit down near them.

I then overheard the first one say "don't you find 6 inches is never enough?". To which the second lady said "I am only small, so it's fine for me". I started to feel a twitch in my trousers as I eagerly listened to them. The first one said "I once had 2 6 inches right after each other, I was totally stuffed!" Then second lady replied "that's greedy, you should have called me and I would have had one of them"

By now I couldn't stand up without the risk of embarrassing myself. But then the first lady said "one thing for sure, afterwards I always make a total mess of my mouth and face and have to wipe off all the mess". The second young lady quickly agreed... That was me I was done for.















It was nice to hear people talking about enjoying their Subway sandwiches.......
 
I asked our waitress how old she thought i was?....she replied she wasnā€™t allowed to date customers.
 
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