General Jokes 🃏

Surreal Madrid said:
Giving up on my Alphabetti spaghetti diet. I'm woken up every morning with terrible vowel movement.
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Wrong thread, think you meant to post it here...

Weight Loss Support Thread

I've tried many times to lose weight over the years and the only time I managed to do so was when I had some support so I thought I'd start this thread to help. Hopefully it'll become a thread where any of us who are trying to lose weight can support each other and share food and drink ideas and...
yellowsforum.co.uk yellowsforum.co.uk

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Perhaps malc could split it into a "Jokes" thread for the written word and a "Memes" thread for the pictorials
 
Was out last night having a ciggy in the smoking area. This fella in a wheelchair asked "why do you smoke if you dont have to? " my reply "how about you tell me why you're wearing shoes ?"
 
Just been to a concert where all the band members had no arms.


They played by ear..............
 
James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, and then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No," he replies, "Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

Bond explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties."
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I'm wearing panties!"
Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, "It’s an hour fast."
 
I told my friend the other day that he shouldn't be using a plastic straw.

"I know, I know" he said. "It's supposed to be terrible for the environment."

"Sure, there's that," I replied "but it's also a really weird way to eat spaghetti."
 
Cause chaos this Friday night at the pub....... by ordering a taxi for "Spartacus"
 
I found an old Viagra tablet at the back of the bathroom cabinet. When I tried it, it didn't work. Must have been past its swell by date..
 
Q How do country singers pay for their condoms ?

A.With Johnny Cash
 
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