General Jokes 🃏

How many sound engineers does it take to change a lightbulb,....?

.......1...2....1.....2...2....1....2.......
 
A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.
She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps. He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt. As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, Silverblack gorilla.
Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and two feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny.
He suggested: "Now maybe pucker your lips and wiggle your bottom, see what that does."
She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.
The husband then suggested she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin.
She did... and the gorilla was about to tear the bars down.
"Now..... show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said.
This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy and he started doing flips.
The husband smiled sweetly at his wife as he opened the cage door and shoved her in. "Now Tell him you have a headache.
 
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
making beer.. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair
of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
 
Oxymoron said:
Been sitting in A&E for the last three hours. I really don't want to get into the details, so let's just say that "Dyson Ball Cleaner" is a very misleading name and leave it at that.......
Click to expand...
Very sad to hear about your accident, although this is the Jokes section. You should have posted this in 'Miscellaneous'.
 
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