It’s ok not to be ok.

S

Steve Gilbert

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In light of the devastating news from the weekend I thought I would create a thread if anyone wanted to chat/get things of their chest because as blokes/humans we don’t do it enough.

If ANYONE wishes to make an anonymous post about a situation going on in their life, to then get advice/support from members, please message @eaststandboy .

100% strictest of confidence.

I will openly admit that the last 12 months have been the toughest of my life finding out my wife had an affair, had to sell my house and ended up having to walk away from my 2 step kids who I brought up from the ages of 1 & 2.
There have been some very dark days over this time but through the support of family, friends and even people I spoke to in similar situations that I can finally say, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now.
Having OUFC there has helped massively too because when I have attended games, for those 90 minutes it allows you to forget everything else going on in life and you are surrounding by 1000s of people who all share that 1 thing in common, our football club.

I am coming down from Chester for the game on Saturday and if anyone wants to share a beer in the blackbird before the game then the first round is on me.
 
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Steve Gilbert said:
In light of the devastating news from the weekend I thought I would create a thread if anyone wanted to chat/get things of their chest because as blokes/humans we don’t do it enough.

I will openly admit that the last 12 months have been the toughest of my life finding out my wife had an affair, had to sell my house and ended up having to walk away from my 2 step kids who I brought up from the ages of 1 & 2.
There have been some very dark days over this time but through the support of family, friends and even people I spoke to in similar situations that I can finally say, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now.
Having OUFC there has helped massively too because when I have attended games, for those 90 minutes it allows you to forget everything else going on in life and you are surrounding by 1000s of people who all share that 1 thing in common, our football club.

I am coming down from Chester for the game on Saturday and if anyone wants to share a beer in the blackbird before the game then the first round is on me.
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I’m glad to hear that things are looking brighter for you, mate.
 
These things are so difficult, Steve. I should know as I've experienced something similar. However, things after all turned out so much better as a result. So just keep positive, and let life work its merry way. Or, as Shakespeare wrote, "Sweet are the uses of adversity" (As you like it).
 
Steve Gilbert said:
In light of the devastating news from the weekend I thought I would create a thread if anyone wanted to chat/get things of their chest because as blokes/humans we don’t do it enough.

I will openly admit that the last 12 months have been the toughest of my life finding out my wife had an affair, had to sell my house and ended up having to walk away from my 2 step kids who I brought up from the ages of 1 & 2.
There have been some very dark days over this time but through the support of family, friends and even people I spoke to in similar situations that I can finally say, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now.
Having OUFC there has helped massively too because when I have attended games, for those 90 minutes it allows you to forget everything else going on in life and you are surrounding by 1000s of people who all share that 1 thing in common, our football club.

I am coming down from Chester for the game on Saturday and if anyone wants to share a beer in the blackbird before the game then the first round is on me.
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Football, supporting your team, is many things to many people ..... being part of a huge family, communally sharing emotions, both high and low , is certainly one of them

See you in the 'bird
 
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2016 - Lost my Mum
2017 - Got Married
2018 - Massive Heart Attack, Cardiac Arrest 7 times. Bullied at work by Boss on return, depression, counselling.
2019 - Sabbatical and Lost my Dad who had massive heart attack in front of us in Bali.
2020 - Daughter born / Covid
2021 - Continued Covid impact
2022 - Lost Best Friend from youth (Joey)

I am not afraid to say I am a Christian and firm believer that we can be saved and supported by our faith.
 
MalaysiaYellow said:
2016 - Lost my Mum
2017 - Got Married
2018 - Massive Heart Attack, Cardiac Arrest 7 times. Bullied at work by Boss on return, depression, counselling.
2019 - Sabbatical and Lost my Dad who had massive heart attack in front of us in Bali.
2020 - Daughter born / Covid
2021 - Continued Covid impact
2022 - Lost Best Friend from youth (Joey)

I am not afraid to say I am a Christian and firm believer that we can be saved and supported by our faith.
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Wow. That sounds incrediby tough.
How are you health wise after your heart attack 4 years ago,
 
Foley said:
Wow. That sounds incrediby tough.
How are you health wise after your heart attack 4 years ago,
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Hey,

Better than before. Total change of lifestyle, stopped smoking (cigars), started eating healthily (no high cholesterol foods), I run 5km a day, 10km at weekends, and manage work stress (was doing UK shift for an Investment Bank).

Ever since then have smashed the stress tests, ECG, MRI, etc but am on 3 types of medication for the rest of my life.
 
Great thread - nothing much to add myself - although I`m a trained MH First aider!

Myself - if it helps.........................
2 years of constant pain (24/7/365) thanks to a number of medical issues has been my biggest burden.
Had a fair chunk of time off work and to be frank the pandemic was a godsend as WFH became the "norm".
Restricted in walking etc so hobbies etc are out the window as is driving any distance, and its taken 2 years to sort the meds out while I wait for the next intervention.
That means I`m on a list, although there are ways to "nudge" folk when you are in the "firm".
Prior to that, I was a chunky parkrunner averaging 28/29 minute 5ks - miss that a lot.
Lost the MinL last year which was both devastating and life-changing in equal measure.

Had some good heart to hearts with MrsEY(Mk2) about the future - wouldn`t have coped as well without her.

Lost two friends to suicide over the last couple of years. That means they cross my desk at work as a coroner's case. That hits harder than I expected.
We have a good support system at work so I`ve picked up the phone a few times and spoken to people.

Nothing much compared to what some have posted but the hardest part I have found is the first step of asking for help. Once you do that the burden is shared, the pressure reduces and you start to see a positive end.

Talk to someone even if it is just on here.
 
I wouldn’t normally write this about myself.
Less is very often best I find but on this occasion I will…

I guess there are times in many peoples lives where we are faced with a collapse of confidence and coping.

It happened to me a few years ago after some unhappy switches of jobs left me feeling that I was completely worthless.

Things that people said took on cruel meanings as I tried to cope. Badly!!
A black cloud had descended on me and life seemed permanently and totally ruined by the things I did and the words people said.
When you feel so low, the norm is for people to say s**t to you like ‘pull yourself together’ which is the most useless sentiment ever.
How can you when life feels like it’s turned to ash and you seriously question the point of carrying on?

If you are at this point then you really have to try and seek help.

I am lucky, my family were so f*****g unbelievably supportive, but beyond them, my second point of harbour was at the Doctors.
When it happened to me they were best placed to help.
Not just with medical treatment but also helping to find support with group therapy for depression.
I was desperate for a way to get better but I didn’t consider that talking and sharing my problems with others and attending a course would do anything to help, but I went anyway because however skeptical I was, I knew that I was ill.

How wrong I was though, the course enabled me to start to build an understanding and a mechanism to lift my mood. I am glad to say that it worked.
It was a lifesaver… Literally!!

While I am not and never will be fully back to that carefree, super confident person I once was, I am able to live life a whole lot lighter than the darkest of days where I contemplated a final way out.
 
I went from being a reasonably fit 62 year old,played walking football,had a physical job,to a knackered worn out 62 year old in 5 months, all due to blood cancer and the side effects which meant I had to take early retirement on medical grounds, the treatment I had was first class, what was lacking was the after support, which I eventually found via a charity and it's Facebook page ,now I offer support to people who are in a similar place.

Life can be very hard for some people, and at times what effects us is totally out of our control, the amount of people who have had said to me you look well,whilst I feel awful annoyed me so much, which is so similar to mental health issues,

If anything can come out of Joeys passing I would hope it would be a greater understanding of mental health issues, and somehow a support network to offer help,

This forum tends to be very supportive over real issues,, have we signed a left back dwells into the background of nothingness compared to the events of the weekend
 
I had to reevaluate my use of alcohol to deal with stress and to try and escape churning thoughts. It stopped working and just put me in a cycle of bad sleep and shorter emotional fuse. With a bit of help from a very supportive non-judgemental wife, and access to some free counselling sessions through work I decided to stop drinking at all a year ago. I feel so much better, have dropped 10 kg and am more comfortable at parkrun (I did almost no exercise until I started running 3 years ago).
The hardest thing about not drinking for me is the social side - having to say no, sometimes quite firmly - but people are pretty understanding once you explain. If you deep down think it might help, give it a proper go.
I have found counselling excellent and have tried to use it as a preventative - before things go tits up - and I really think it has helped. Don’t underestimate the compounding of pressures etc over the years. If you have access to counselling, eg through your employer, consider using it.
 
MalaysiaYellow said:
2016 - Lost my Mum
2017 - Got Married
2018 - Massive Heart Attack, Cardiac Arrest 7 times. Bullied at work by Boss on return, depression, counselling.
2019 - Sabbatical and Lost my Dad who had massive heart attack in front of us in Bali.
2020 - Daughter born / Covid
2021 - Continued Covid impact
2022 - Lost Best Friend from youth (Joey)

I am not afraid to say I am a Christian and firm believer that we can be saved and supported by our faith.
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Just read this thread and to be honest I don’t know how people would have coped with the issues you’ve had.
So total respect to you and keep strong.
 
chuckbert said:
I had to reevaluate my use of alcohol to deal with stress and to try and escape churning thoughts. It stopped working and just put me in a cycle of bad sleep and shorter emotional fuse. With a bit of help from a very supportive non-judgemental wife, and access to some free counselling sessions through work I decided to stop drinking at all a year ago. I feel so much better, have dropped 10 kg and am more comfortable at parkrun (I did almost no exercise until I started running 3 years ago).
The hardest thing about not drinking for me is the social side - having to say no, sometimes quite firmly - but people are pretty understanding once you explain. If you deep down think it might help, give it a proper go.
I have found counselling excellent and have tried to use it as a preventative - before things go tits up - and I really think it has helped. Don’t underestimate the compounding of pressures etc over the years. If you have access to counselling, eg through your employer, consider using it.
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I will DM you tomorrow mate.
 
I know that I'm often criticised for it, but I've found that having a positive attitude really helps me. I'm a firm believer in the fact that we can't choose what happens to us, but we can choose how we feel about it. I've experienced depression on a number of occasions, and once where I considered crashing my car deliberately to escape everything going on in my head. I've also dealt with suicide both through my job in the Prison Service and on a personal level with several colleagues and friends taking their own lives. Life is hard, sometimes overwhelming so. But the alternative is so much worse. We have to do more to get rid of the bullshit macho stuff that stops men talking about their feelings and ensure that we're there for each other. You never know when it might just save a life.
 
Steve Gilbert said:
In light of the devastating news from the weekend I thought I would create a thread if anyone wanted to chat/get things of their chest because as blokes/humans we don’t do it enough.

If ANYONE wishes to make an anonymous post about a situation going on in their life, to then get advice/support from members, please message @eaststandboy .

100% strictest of confidence.

I will openly admit that the last 12 months have been the toughest of my life finding out my wife had an affair, had to sell my house and ended up having to walk away from my 2 step kids who I brought up from the ages of 1 & 2.
There have been some very dark days over this time but through the support of family, friends and even people I spoke to in similar situations that I can finally say, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now.
Having OUFC there has helped massively too because when I have attended games, for those 90 minutes it allows you to forget everything else going on in life and you are surrounding by 1000s of people who all share that 1 thing in common, our football club.

I am coming down from Chester for the game on Saturday and if anyone wants to share a beer in the blackbird before the game then the first round is on me.
Click to expand...

Top post Steve [emoji106][emoji169][emoji170]
 
I'm a long-term sufferer of depression and various other things, but I'm still here thanks to the help of friends, family and mental health services. If anyone reading this is in a dark place, please call your GP, outside of GP hours, please consider calling these helplines:

Samaritans - 24 hours - 116 123
SaneLine - 4.30pm - 10.30pm 0300 304 7000
Suicide Prevention - 24hours - 0800 689 5652
CALM - 24 hours, 0800 58 58 58
The Mix (Under 25s only) 0808 808 4994

There will also likely be specific lines for specific issues such as gambling, eating disorders or tinnitus/pain. Maybe ask a friend to research a good number if you're not in the right place to do so.

I have used these helplines, and know people who work for these helplines, and they to truly incredible work. Please don't suffer in silence, someone to listen will help.

Secondly, if you are employed please see what help you can get through your employer. Perhaps e-mail your manager or HR, they will be understanding.

I've been in such a dark place I have made a half-hearted attempt on my life, I would have died in my early 20s and missed out on getting much better now approaching my late 20s. Time's do change even though they can feel like in the moment that they won't. If you are reading this in a dark place please remember your life DOES have worth and you are not a burden on other people. People want to help you.

I'm not from Oxford but I'm a lifelong supporter of the team and sometimes going to a match even when I felt terrible cheered me up. Maybe next time you go to a game ask that person sitting next to you, that you never speak to, how they're getting on. Sometimes small acts of kindness help people.

The world is in a bit of a sad place at the moment, and with various other things I felt like I wanted to post something, I really hope anyone reading this is ok.

@eaststandboy kudos to you for this thread.
 
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