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General Can We Talk?

Northstandboy

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After the club launches Can we talk? I thought it would be a good idea to start a thread where you can post anything that’s going on in your life, which your finding difficult.

Or indeed situations in the past that you might still not be over.

If you want to post anything anonymously, please DM me, I will post it with full trust.

So I ask you, can we talk?
 
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I’ll go first.

Some of you may know that back in 2020,during the height of Covid, we had our second child.

2 days old, we were still waiting for him to pass his first poo. The midwife not being happy, done some checks and sent him straight to NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) where he was diagnosed with a life threatening bowl condition and needed life saving surgery within a couple of hours of being identified.

Being in Covid, we wondered if he would get the surgery, we had no support as we were unable to see family as we was petrified of taking Covid into a ward where sick babies were too weak to go to theatre for surgery, they had to clear NICU and perform it there.

Thankfully he had the surgery, but still, 4 years later I don’t feel I’m fully over what happened, or more to the point, what nearly happened to him.

3 surgery’s within his first 8 months and he’s able to lead a normal(ish) life. But it’s left scars mentally which will last a lifetime, seeing things that as a parent you’d never dream of.

Talking helps.
 
Good idea for a thread. Overall, I count myself lucky, however I know life has its ups and downs. Friends have shared their troubles and it truly does help.

I would also like to add that in my twenty-four years as a teacher, I have spent increasingly more time supporting children with mental health issues.
 
Good idea for a thread. Overall, I count myself lucky, however I know life has its ups and downs. Friends have shared their troubles and it truly does help.

I would also like to add that in my twenty-four years as a teacher, I have spent increasingly more time supporting children with mental health issues.
Sometimes helping others can also take its toll out of the person helping.
 
18 months ago, I had a number of health issues in the weeks before my 50th birthday. This saw me collapse at work and rushed into A&E, followed by an operation on my eye which later ruptured leading to me being rushed in for emergency surgery with bleeding from my eyeball! I was close to losing my right eye, and although I lost 50% vision in that eye, I had as full a recovery as I could have expected.

A couple of months later I took the family to North Wales for a much needed holiday, but only 3 days in we were involved in a car accident where a Dutch truck indicated left at a roundabout but went right and slammed into the side of our car. The car was a total write off, we were all bruised and battered, and our insurance company let us down leaving us without a vehicle for several days. The holiday we had all been waiting for had become a nightmare.

A year on, we have all recovered physically, but my son still has huge anxiety about going anywhere in the car. He suffers with ADHD and is being assessed for Autism, and some simple journeys can become overwhelming. I also suffered with social anxiety and shut myself off from friends and family. I became a shell of myself and struggled to find a purpose.

Two things happened that helped me through this. Firstly, I threw myself into my work and began working towards my qualifications for Prison Governor. The second thing was to throw myself into something I love, and that was Oxford United.

I joined the Supporters Panel and have been able to use this as a platform to help as many supporters as possible. So much of what we do is unseen or unreported, but I have seen the impact of what we do for groups of fans or individuals in need. I also volunteered to work with the Matchday support team, and found myself picking up the role of a certain furry mascot of a bovine nature! This was the ultimate in masking. I could be out and about at games whilst hiding the crippling social anxiety that I was feeling. Without knowing it, every high five or photo with fans young and old helped me to rebuild who I was. That suit was hot and sweaty, but inside I couldn't take the smile off my face.

I was asked back in January what I wanted for this year and I jokingly said that I wanted promotions in both my jobs. In May, I stood on that Wembley pitch full of pride before crying in the stands at the final whistle. And I'm now fully qualified and had an interview yesterday and another tomorrow to hopefully get my first Governors post.

I'm lucky to have had incredible friends and family around me who have helped me through these difficult times, but it has also been complete strangers from the wider Oxford United family who have unknowingly kept me going.

We never know what others are feeling and a kind word or a helping hand can take moments but may just be the difference between someone feeling that they are not alone. These moments can give others hope, and can literally save people's lives.

Screenshot_20240922_232403_Chrome.jpg

* other matchday support staff exist so please don't take any forum issues out on an innocent furry mascot!!
 
This is a fantastic thread idea - thanks for starting it. I’ve just watched the club’s Can We Talk video and am in pieces (as there are some connections to this household) but it’s a brilliant initiative. A credit to this board that people are opening up on here 💛💙
 
18 months ago, I had a number of health issues in the weeks before my 50th birthday. This saw me collapse at work and rushed into A&E, followed by an operation on my eye which later ruptured leading to me being rushed in for emergency surgery with bleeding from my eyeball! I was close to losing my right eye, and although I lost 50% vision in that eye, I had as full a recovery as I could have expected.

A couple of months later I took the family to North Wales for a much needed holiday, but only 3 days in we were involved in a car accident where a Dutch truck indicated left at a roundabout but went right and slammed into the side of our car. The car was a total write off, we were all bruised and battered, and our insurance company let us down leaving us without a vehicle for several days. The holiday we had all been waiting for had become a nightmare.

A year on, we have all recovered physically, but my son still has huge anxiety about going anywhere in the car. He suffers with ADHD and is being assessed for Autism, and some simple journeys can become overwhelming. I also suffered with social anxiety and shut myself off from friends and family. I became a shell of myself and struggled to find a purpose.

Two things happened that helped me through this. Firstly, I threw myself into my work and began working towards my qualifications for Prison Governor. The second thing was to throw myself into something I love, and that was Oxford United.

I joined the Supporters Panel and have been able to use this as a platform to help as many supporters as possible. So much of what we do is unseen or unreported, but I have seen the impact of what we do for groups of fans or individuals in need. I also volunteered to work with the Matchday support team, and found myself picking up the role of a certain furry mascot of a bovine nature! This was the ultimate in masking. I could be out and about at games whilst hiding the crippling social anxiety that I was feeling. Without knowing it, every high five or photo with fans young and old helped me to rebuild who I was. That suit was hot and sweaty, but inside I couldn't take the smile off my face.

I was asked back in January what I wanted for this year and I jokingly said that I wanted promotions in both my jobs. In May, I stood on that Wembley pitch full of pride before crying in the stands at the final whistle. And I'm now fully qualified and had an interview yesterday and another tomorrow to hopefully get my first Governors post.

I'm lucky to have had incredible friends and family around me who have helped me through these difficult times, but it has also been complete strangers from the wider Oxford United family who have unknowingly kept me going.

We never know what others are feeling and a kind word or a helping hand can take moments but may just be the difference between someone feeling that they are not alone. These moments can give others hope, and can literally save people's lives.

View attachment 23169

* other matchday support staff exist so please don't take any forum issues out on an innocent furry mascot!!
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again @Scotchegg you are a top man and a part of what makes this football club special.

As for your son and the autism diagnosis I know a lot of local groups and networks so whilst autism is different from person to person and I don’t know how old your son is, if I can help in any way then please DM me.
 
I’ll go first.

Some of you may know that back in 2020,during the height of Covid, we had our second child.

2 days old, we were still waiting for him to pass his first poo. The midwife not being happy, done some checks and sent him straight to NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) where he was diagnosed with a life threatening bowl condition and needed life saving surgery within a couple of hours of being identified.

Being in Covid, we wondered if he would get the surgery, we had no support as we were unable to see family as we was petrified of taking Covid into a ward where sick babies were too weak to go to theatre for surgery, they had to clear NICU and perform it there.

Thankfully he had the surgery, but still, 4 years later I don’t feel I’m fully over what happened, or more to the point, what nearly happened to him.

3 surgery’s within his first 8 months and he’s able to lead a normal(ish) life. But it’s left scars mentally which will last a lifetime, seeing things that as a parent you’d never dream of.

Talking helps.
A genuinely lovely and thoughtful idea for a thread, which I hope helps those who need to reach out, and may be struggling to do so.

I know we all may have our differences of opinions sometimes, but we pull together during tough times, and hopefully this will provide a safe space for anyone who's struggling, and needs a bit of support.

It sounds like you yourself Northstandboy have been through a very traumatic experience. As someone who doesn't have kids, I can only imagine what an awful time that must've been for you, and I hope your son is now well, and that you and your loved ones manage to heal over time, from the inevitable painful memories and scars you've all suffered. Wishing you all the best.

Scotchers, it sounds like you've been through a rough time yourself, but hats off to you for your resilience and proactiveness. I wish you and your loved ones luck moving forwards. I'm glad you've managed to get yourself up and running again, and seem to be in a happier place. We all know how much you love to be positive!

I myself have had an awful 18 months, watching my mum suffering with cancer, and slowly getting worse, until we lost her very suddenly, and painfully. She was only 71, which makes it so much more difficult to accept. It feels like she and the whole family have been robbed of so many years we could've still had together.

It will be one year ago this Sunday, but it still devastates me, and I still struggle to get my head around it, even now it still doesn't feel real. She's constantly in my thoughts, and I and the family miss her terribly. The void she's left behind will forever be impossible to fill.

During this time, I also lost my granddad, who was a massive OUFC fan, and had always gone to games with me, right up until the age of 95, and was very mobile and independent, until he had a nasty fall during the first COVID lockdown, and had to have a hip replacement, and nearly died in hospital from a chest infection, on his own, as nobody could visit.

Thankfully, he pulled through, but he was 96 by the time fans were allowed back into stadiums, and his hip replacement didn't go very well, so he wasn't mobile enough able to go to games anymore.

He sadly went downhill, and passed away, during my mums first round of chemo. I suppose I've always felt a bit guilty towards him, because the family was so preoccupied caring for mum during her treatment as, bless her, she was so ill, that his passing almost seemed to go under the radar a little, even though we loved him dearly and miss him every day. I raised a glass to him after the Wembley playoff final. He would've loved to have been there. I like to think he was.

Also during this time, I lost my home of ten years, due to my landlord suddenly deciding she wanted to sell up, which was a huge upheaval, at a time when I needed as little stress as possible. I now live in a shithole in comparison to what I had, while I try to save for a mortgage, so I don't have to go through an upheaval like this again, but it feels like a mountain to climb, trying to save so much money, when everything in life is already so expensive just to get by as it is.

But I keep swinging, and moving forwards, and thankfully, having such amazing family and friends has helped me to keep going through the darkest days, when sometimes I really didn't feel like getting out of bed.

This forum has also been a godsend during that time, as although we might not all see eye to eye all the time, it's given me a much needed distraction, and a chance to not only chat about all things OUFC, but also share opinions on a variety of subjects, both light hearted and pretty serious, whilst also having a much needed laugh and a joke. I'm grateful for that.

It's also been very heartwarming to see how supportive we all are to each other, when anyone has been struggling, for whatever reason, and thanks again Northstandboy, for providing a thread, that I hope moving forward will provide a specific safe space for anyone to chat, about anything they feel they need to.

Proud to be a Yellow 💛
 
A genuinely lovely and thoughtful idea for a thread, which I hope helps those who need to reach out, and may be struggling to do so.

I know we all may have our differences of opinions sometimes, but we pull together during tough times, and hopefully this will provide a safe space for anyone who's struggling, and needs a bit of support.

It sounds like you yourself Northstandboy have been through a very traumatic experience. As someone who doesn't have kids, I can only imagine what an awful time that must've been for you, and I hope your son is now well, and that you and your loved ones manage to heal over time, from the inevitable painful memories and scars you've all suffered. Wishing you all the best.

Scotchers, it sounds like you've been through a rough time yourself, but hats off to you for your resilience and proactiveness. I wish you and your loved ones luck moving forwards. I'm glad you've managed to get yourself up and running again, and seem to be in a happier place. We all know how much you love to be positive!

I myself have had an awful 18 months, watching my mum suffering with cancer, and slowly getting worse, until we lost her very suddenly, and painfully. She was only 71, which makes it so much more difficult to accept. It feels like she and the whole family have been robbed of so many years we could've still had together.

It will be one year ago this Sunday, but it still devastates me, and I still struggle to get my head around it, even now it still doesn't feel real. She's constantly in my thoughts, and I and the family miss her terribly. The void she's left behind will forever be impossible to fill.

During this time, I also lost my granddad, who was a massive OUFC fan, and had always gone to games with me, right up until the age of 95, and was very mobile and independent, until he had a nasty fall during the first COVID lockdown, and had to have a hip replacement, and nearly died in hospital from a chest infection, on his own, as nobody could visit.

Thankfully, he pulled through, but he was 96 by the time fans were allowed back into stadiums, and his hip replacement didn't go very well, so he wasn't mobile enough able to go to games anymore.

He sadly went downhill, and passed away, during my mums first round of chemo. I suppose I've always felt a bit guilty towards him, because the family was so preoccupied caring for mum during her treatment as, bless her, she was so ill, that his passing almost seemed to go under the radar a little, even though we loved him dearly and miss him every day. I raised a glass to him after the Wembley playoff final. He would've loved to have been there. I like to think he was.

Also during this time, I lost my home of ten years, due to my landlord suddenly deciding she wanted to sell up, which was a huge upheaval, at a time when I needed as little stress as possible. I now live in a shithole in comparison to what I had, while I try to save for a mortgage, so I don't have to go through an upheaval like this again, but it feels like a mountain to climb, trying to save so much money, when everything in life is already so expensive just to get by as it is.

But I keep swinging, and moving forwards, and thankfully, having such amazing family and friends has helped me to keep going through the darkest days, when sometimes I really didn't feel like getting out of bed.

This forum has also been a godsend during that time, as although we might not all see eye to eye all the time, it's given me a much needed distraction, and a chance to not only chat about all things OUFC, but also share opinions on a variety of subjects, both light hearted and pretty serious, whilst also having a much needed laugh and a joke. I'm grateful for that.

It's also been very heartwarming to see how supportive we all are to each other, when anyone has been struggling, for whatever reason, and thanks again Northstandboy, for providing a thread, that I hope moving forward will provide a specific safe space for anyone to chat, about anything they feel they need to.

Proud to be a Yellow 💛
Absolutely right on how we support each other on this forum. You’ve been through a tough time. Thanks for sharing mate.
 
A genuinely lovely and thoughtful idea for a thread, which I hope helps those who need to reach out, and may be struggling to do so.

I know we all may have our differences of opinions sometimes, but we pull together during tough times, and hopefully this will provide a safe space for anyone who's struggling, and needs a bit of support.

It sounds like you yourself Northstandboy have been through a very traumatic experience. As someone who doesn't have kids, I can only imagine what an awful time that must've been for you, and I hope your son is now well, and that you and your loved ones manage to heal over time, from the inevitable painful memories and scars you've all suffered. Wishing you all the best.

Scotchers, it sounds like you've been through a rough time yourself, but hats off to you for your resilience and proactiveness. I wish you and your loved ones luck moving forwards. I'm glad you've managed to get yourself up and running again, and seem to be in a happier place. We all know how much you love to be positive!

I myself have had an awful 18 months, watching my mum suffering with cancer, and slowly getting worse, until we lost her very suddenly, and painfully. She was only 71, which makes it so much more difficult to accept. It feels like she and the whole family have been robbed of so many years we could've still had together.

It will be one year ago this Sunday, but it still devastates me, and I still struggle to get my head around it, even now it still doesn't feel real. She's constantly in my thoughts, and I and the family miss her terribly. The void she's left behind will forever be impossible to fill.

During this time, I also lost my granddad, who was a massive OUFC fan, and had always gone to games with me, right up until the age of 95, and was very mobile and independent, until he had a nasty fall during the first COVID lockdown, and had to have a hip replacement, and nearly died in hospital from a chest infection, on his own, as nobody could visit.

Thankfully, he pulled through, but he was 96 by the time fans were allowed back into stadiums, and his hip replacement didn't go very well, so he wasn't mobile enough able to go to games anymore.

He sadly went downhill, and passed away, during my mums first round of chemo. I suppose I've always felt a bit guilty towards him, because the family was so preoccupied caring for mum during her treatment as, bless her, she was so ill, that his passing almost seemed to go under the radar a little, even though we loved him dearly and miss him every day. I raised a glass to him after the Wembley playoff final. He would've loved to have been there. I like to think he was.

Also during this time, I lost my home of ten years, due to my landlord suddenly deciding she wanted to sell up, which was a huge upheaval, at a time when I needed as little stress as possible. I now live in a shithole in comparison to what I had, while I try to save for a mortgage, so I don't have to go through an upheaval like this again, but it feels like a mountain to climb, trying to save so much money, when everything in life is already so expensive just to get by as it is.

But I keep swinging, and moving forwards, and thankfully, having such amazing family and friends has helped me to keep going through the darkest days, when sometimes I really didn't feel like getting out of bed.

This forum has also been a godsend during that time, as although we might not all see eye to eye all the time, it's given me a much needed distraction, and a chance to not only chat about all things OUFC, but also share opinions on a variety of subjects, both light hearted and pretty serious, whilst also having a much needed laugh and a joke. I'm grateful for that.

It's also been very heartwarming to see how supportive we all are to each other, when anyone has been struggling, for whatever reason, and thanks again Northstandboy, for providing a thread, that I hope moving forward will provide a specific safe space for anyone to chat, about anything they feel they need to.

Proud to be a Yellow 💛
Thanks for sharing. We’ll be thinking of you on Sunday.
 
I have schizoaffective disorder, borderline personality disorder and emotionally unstable disorder, i spent numerous times in the Warneford mental hospital and was told i developed all my problems due to working 80 hours per week, still suffering with depression at the moment and waiting 10 months for an appointment to be tested for parkinsons, not seeing Oxford as much at the moment due to health problems but when i do it cheers me up no end, also off to see my favourite singer next weekend Adam ant so maybe things will start to look up again.
 
I have schizoaffective disorder, borderline personality disorder and emotionally unstable disorder, i spent numerous times in the Warneford mental hospital and was told i developed all my problems due to working 80 hours per week, still suffering with depression at the moment and waiting 10 months for an appointment to be tested for parkinsons, not seeing Oxford as much at the moment due to health problems but when i do it cheers me up no end, also off to see my favourite singer next weekend Adam ant so maybe things will start to look up again.
Hope you enjoy Adam ant, didn't realise he still did gigs

Very strange of them to pin such profound issues on a heavy work week, it's a blessing our understanding of personality disorders has come a long way (but still has a long way to go)

My grandfather (who I still miss everyday, such was the impact of the man) was a carpenter and hung the doors in the warneford once. He used to say how well he got on with those inside. My best mate was also in the warneford for a while but she got thrown out (which I didn't know was possible) for smoking too much dope whilst there
 
I have schizoaffective disorder, borderline personality disorder and emotionally unstable disorder, i spent numerous times in the Warneford mental hospital and was told i developed all my problems due to working 80 hours per week, still suffering with depression at the moment and waiting 10 months for an appointment to be tested for parkinsons, not seeing Oxford as much at the moment due to health problems but when i do it cheers me up no end, also off to see my favourite singer next weekend Adam ant so maybe things will start to look up again.
All the best to you. Hope you have a blast this weekend
 
A great idea @Northstandboy

I have no such problems (that I'm aware of) but have always taken a keen interest in these sort of things since having some psychological training earlier in my career, something that was designed to help recognise if there were issues in those I was managing.

This is what a football community is really about. Some Green councillors and stadium objection groups should take note.

Thanks for setting up the thread.
 
I think this thread holds immense value not just for those suffering, but for those who think they aren’t and might need help to recognise it in themselves or someone else if/when it does happen. I’m sure it might be a distressing read for anybody that has lost someone to mental health, but hopefully they see the true purpose of it in helping to reduce the number of people suffering.

Sorry for the length of this but I think it’ll help as I’m a ‘live case’ living it as we speak. In my case it was sudden - literally a moment. I’m 31 and considered myself a very together person with plenty of resilience after a very difficult childhood that involved a lot of bullying, a fragmented family, ‘Daddy issues’ and tough times with money. All stuff that I have dealt with and moved on, but what all that did was assemble a belief system and a response system to certain things and it all, unknowingly, held a place in my stress bucket, something we all have and it is not bottomless. It needs emptying through self TLC which is something I never did, as I was ‘strong’.

The last 10 years have been pure joy. Happily married in 14 year relationship, a stable career, a child, a house, a flash car - what could possibly bother me?

2 and a half years ago I was attacked at 4am coming back to a hotel with friends after a night out abroad - stag do - attacked for being British in the wrong place at the wrong time. There was 8 of us and we were outnumbered by 3 to 1 - we’re talking 20 youths so let’s call it what it was, gang crime. Knives, glass bottles, bikes - whatever they could get their hands on was thrown at us. Some of what I witnessed that night will never leave me but again, I dealt with it in my usual way and moved on - but there it stayed in the stress bucket I didn’t know existed. Life goes on.

Back in April I started a new job that I couldn’t have regretted any quicker. I l was baited out of a great job in to one of the most toxic environments imaginable. Everything about it felt like a huge mistake. I was in london hosting clients and on the tube home my body just turned on me and I had a panic attack - I’d reached my tipping point after 31 years.

I paced the streets of london for hours on the phone to my wife wondering how I could get back on a train. In the end my best friend happened to text me, a major mental health sufferer in the past herself. She recognised what was happening and booked me a hotel not far from where I was and instructed me to go there. So I did, where I had the toughest night of my life riding out what felt like a heart attack, thinking I needed to call myself an ambulance.

In the weeks that followed I couldn’t function. I told people what had happened but it took 3 weeks to accept I needed proper intervention as the problem ran deeper than just a bit of anxiety. I was living a colourless life, objectifying people I loved and was in constant pain that I needed to stop. I began to visualise suicide and what it might look and feel like - I was worried by how much life I had to live feeling like that. I was in crisis and cried several times, alone, until I called in the big guns - my Mum! She got in the car immediately and drove 2 hours to put an arm around me and steer me through the next 24 hours. It was time to get help.

Speaking to the GP was nerve racking (I could only do it remotely) but we quickly realised I needed medical support. So I started small on Valium to calm the nerves before being moved on to sertraline a week later which is essentially an anti depressant for PTSD, I am still on those today and will be for 6 months. To be honest, whether the pills did anything or not, having a fix on the table was a confidence booster - I was not a lost cause anymore. As soon as I started to talk and more solutions came up, it fed the hope more and more that I will come through it.

It was baby steps after that - could I go out? Could I attend a meeting? Could I get on a train again? In 3 months I have almost entirely got my life back by committing every fibre of my being to push through uncomfortable scenarios.

But I was far from OK. 6 weeks ago I was recommended a hypnotherapist. I was sceptical to say the least - ‘that bullshit on the TV?’. But I went to a consultation and 10 minutes in she says ‘I can fix this in 6 sessions’. How could I say no? I’ve just had my 5th and we are running out of problems to fix - she’s given me my life back, or rather, I took it back with the tools she gave me and I can continue to use for life. I walked in to that consultation feeing 2 out of 10 and slowly now I am 8 or 9 - but that last bit is manageable.

Despite what you may feel when you are at your lowest, you are in control and you will get better - but don’t expect time to do the work, you need to take part. And simply posting on here to say ‘I’m not myself right now’ is a step forward from yesterday and one giant leap towards being better.

I’m not out of the woods but I feel a sense of control that I’d lost entirely overnight and a belief in myself that I will beat this completely one day.

Look after each other 💛
 
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I think this thread holds immense value not just for those suffering, but for those who think they aren’t and might need help to recognise it in themselves or someone else if/when it does happen. I’m sure it might be a distressing read for anybody that has lost someone to mental health, but hopefully they see the true purpose of it in helping to reduce the number of people suffering.

Sorry for the length of this but I think it’ll help as I’m a ‘live case’ living it as we speak. In my case it was sudden - literally a moment. I’m 31 and considered myself a very together person with plenty of resilience after a very difficult childhood that involved a lot of bullying, a fragmented family, ‘Daddy issues’ and tough times with money. All stuff that I have dealt with and moved on, but what all that did was assemble a belief system and a response system to certain things and it all, unknowingly, held a place in my stress bucket, something we all have and it is not bottomless. It needs emptying through self TLC which is something I never did, as I was ‘strong’.

The last 10 years have been pure joy. Happily married in 14 year relationship, a stable career, a child, a house, a flash car - what could possibly bother me?

2 and a half years ago I was attacked at 4am coming back to a hotel with friends after a night out abroad - stag do - attacked for being British in the wrong place at the wrong time. There was 8 of us and we were outnumbered by 3 to 1 - we’re talking 20 youths so let’s call it what it was, gang crime. Knives, glass bottles, bikes - whatever they could get their hands on was thrown at us. Some of what I witnessed that night will never leave me but again, I dealt with it in my usual way and moved on - but there it stayed in the stress bucket I didn’t know existed. Life goes on.

Back in April I started a new job that I couldn’t have regretted any quicker. I l was baited out of a great job in to one of the most toxic environments imaginable. Everything about it felt like a huge mistake. I was in london hosting clients and on the tube home my body just turned on me and I had a panic attack - I’d reached my tipping point after 31 years.

I paced the streets of london for hours on the phone to my wife wondering how I could get back on a train. In the end my best friend happened to text me, a major mental health sufferer in the past herself. She recognised what was happening and booked me a hotel not far from where I was and instructed me to go there. So I did, where I had the toughest night of my life riding out what felt like a heart attack, thinking I needed to call myself an ambulance.

In the weeks that followed I couldn’t function. I told people what had happened but it took 3 weeks to accept I needed proper intervention as the problem ran deeper than just a bit of anxiety. I was living a colourless life, objectifying people I loved and was in constant pain that I needed to stop. I began to visualise suicide and what it might look and feel like - I was worried by how much life I had to live feeling like that. I was in crisis and cried several times, alone, until I called in the big guns - my Mum! She got in the car immediately and drove 2 hours to put an arm around me and steer me through the next 24 hours. It was time to get help.

Speaking to the GP was nerve racking (I could only do it remotely) but we quickly realised I needed medical support. So I started small on Valium to calm the nerves before being moved on to sertraline a week later which is essentially an anti depressant for PTSD, I am still on those today and will be for 6 months. To be honest, whether the pills did anything or not, having a fix on the table was a confidence booster - I was not a lost cause anymore. As soon as I started to talk and more solutions came up, it fed the hope more and more that I will come through it.

It was baby steps after that - could I go out? Could I attend a meeting? Could I get on a train again? In 3 months I have almost entirely got my life back by committing every fibre of my being to push through uncomfortable scenarios.

But I was far from OK. 6 weeks ago I was recommended a hypnotherapist. I was sceptical to say the least - ‘that bullshit on the TV?’. But I went to a consultation and 10 minutes in she says ‘I can fix this in 6 sessions’. How could I say no? I’ve just had my 5th and we are running out of problems to fix - she’s given me my life back, or rather, I took it back with the tools she gave me and I can continue to use for life. I walked in to that consultation feeing 2 out of 10 and slowly now I am 8 or 9 - but that last bit is manageable.

Despite what you may feel when you are at your lowest, you are in control and you will get better - but don’t expect time to do the work, you need to take part. And simply posting on here to say ‘I’m not myself right now’ is a step forward from yesterday and one giant leap towards being better.

I’m not out of the woods but I feel a sense of control that I’d lost entirely overnight and a belief in myself that I will beat this completely one day.

Look after each other 💛
Again, thanks for sharing @Swaby39 . Great to hear that you are on the mend. There will be ups and downs of course but the amount you have done to get you to a better place is incredible. Top stuff.
 
I think this thread holds immense value not just for those suffering, but for those who think they aren’t and might need help to recognise it in themselves or someone else if/when it does happen. I’m sure it might be a distressing read for anybody that has lost someone to mental health, but hopefully they see the true purpose of it in helping to reduce the number of people suffering.

Sorry for the length of this but I think it’ll help as I’m a ‘live case’ living it as we speak. In my case it was sudden - literally a moment. I’m 31 and considered myself a very together person with plenty of resilience after a very difficult childhood that involved a lot of bullying, a fragmented family, ‘Daddy issues’ and tough times with money. All stuff that I have dealt with and moved on, but what all that did was assemble a belief system and a response system to certain things and it all, unknowingly, held a place in my stress bucket, something we all have and it is not bottomless. It needs emptying through self TLC which is something I never did, as I was ‘strong’.

The last 10 years have been pure joy. Happily married in 14 year relationship, a stable career, a child, a house, a flash car - what could possibly bother me?

2 and a half years ago I was attacked at 4am coming back to a hotel with friends after a night out abroad - stag do - attacked for being British in the wrong place at the wrong time. There was 8 of us and we were outnumbered by 3 to 1 - we’re talking 20 youths so let’s call it what it was, gang crime. Knives, glass bottles, bikes - whatever they could get their hands on was thrown at us. Some of what I witnessed that night will never leave me but again, I dealt with it in my usual way and moved on - but there it stayed in the stress bucket I didn’t know existed. Life goes on.

Back in April I started a new job that I couldn’t have regretted any quicker. I l was baited out of a great job in to one of the most toxic environments imaginable. Everything about it felt like a huge mistake. I was in london hosting clients and on the tube home my body just turned on me and I had a panic attack - I’d reached my tipping point after 31 years.

I paced the streets of london for hours on the phone to my wife wondering how I could get back on a train. In the end my best friend happened to text me, a major mental health sufferer in the past herself. She recognised what was happening and booked me a hotel not far from where I was and instructed me to go there. So I did, where I had the toughest night of my life riding out what felt like a heart attack, thinking I needed to call myself an ambulance.

In the weeks that followed I couldn’t function. I told people what had happened but it took 3 weeks to accept I needed proper intervention as the problem ran deeper than just a bit of anxiety. I was living a colourless life, objectifying people I loved and was in constant pain that I needed to stop. I began to visualise suicide and what it might look and feel like - I was worried by how much life I had to live feeling like that. I was in crisis and cried several times, alone, until I called in the big guns - my Mum! She got in the car immediately and drove 2 hours to put an arm around me and steer me through the next 24 hours. It was time to get help.

Speaking to the GP was nerve racking (I could only do it remotely) but we quickly realised I needed medical support. So I started small on Valium to calm the nerves before being moved on to sertraline a week later which is essentially an anti depressant for PTSD, I am still on those today and will be for 6 months. To be honest, whether the pills did anything or not, having a fix on the table was a confidence booster - I was not a lost cause anymore. As soon as I started to talk and more solutions came up, it fed the hope more and more that I will come through it.

It was baby steps after that - could I go out? Could I attend a meeting? Could I get on a train again? In 3 months I have almost entirely got my life back by committing every fibre of my being to push through uncomfortable scenarios.

But I was far from OK. 6 weeks ago I was recommended a hypnotherapist. I was sceptical to say the least - ‘that bullshit on the TV?’. But I went to a consultation and 10 minutes in she says ‘I can fix this in 6 sessions’. How could I say no? I’ve just had my 5th and we are running out of problems to fix - she’s given me my life back, or rather, I took it back with the tools she gave me and I can continue to use for life. I walked in to that consultation feeing 2 out of 10 and slowly now I am 8 or 9 - but that last bit is manageable.

Despite what you may feel when you are at your lowest, you are in control and you will get better - but don’t expect time to do the work, you need to take part. And simply posting on here to say ‘I’m not myself right now’ is a step forward from yesterday and one giant leap towards being better.

I’m not out of the woods but I feel a sense of control that I’d lost entirely overnight and a belief in myself that I will beat this completely one day.

Look after each other 💛
Sounds like it's been a rough ride buddy, but you've been proactive and taken control of the situation, and you're now making good progress, so well done for that.

Self care is very important, alongside any help and support you can receive from others, both personal and professional.

I think often people think they can do it all on their own, but that's often not the case, help and support will always be needed.

Keep doing what you're doing, looking after yourself and moving forward. (y)
 
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