Gillingham 1 Oxford United 3 (Whyte 2, Sykes) Att: 5887 and 809 Yellows fans. This will not be a 'classic' of a game, but the shenanegans going around will catch the eye. Ricky Holmes will be picked to play for them, but get injured when the ref tosses the coin and it hits him in his eye. Eastwood will injure his finger while playing paper, rock, scissors, just before kick-off and play one-handed. Henry will fracture his coccyx after falling on the ball. One of the linesmen will dislocate his clavicle after lifting his flag up too quickly. An over-sexed falcon will land in the directors' box and attack Tiger, who makes a rare appearance. Nelson and Ruffles will get into a punch-up at half-time, over 'who has a go' at the team Filipina lady. A dog will run onto the pitch. A man who looks uncannily like Curse-him will be spotted at the ground and the Oxford fans will chant obscene songs about him. When they realise he's not you-know-who, they will have a whip-round and buy him a pint and kabbab after the match. The referee (Mr. R. Sole) will book five players from both sides. Because of this win, Robinson will apply for the still-vacant position of Man. U manager. He will be refused the men's team job, but considered for the new women's team. After the sex-starved falcon leaves the directors' box, they will discover an egg that it layed. A tornado will strike the town centre at lunch time and destroy everything. The locals will all agree that the place looks better for it. That just about does it for me. COYY